I'm having one of those nights. These nights can happen anywhere in the world so it's not necessarily hard because I'm abroad. But I feel shitty. I feel like I'm entirely alone. And I want nothing more than to lay in a giant bed and hold my cat and have my hair braided. I feel so vulnerable. I'm a child and I can no longer manage to make complex decisions. I feel pretty lost. I just came from a very good and healthy semester into the unknown again. I miss my mom. I may be 20 and living in France but there is no one I'd rather be with than my mom. I did all of this last semester so it shouldn't be that hard right? I know what I'm getting into. but somehow i'm feeling it again, anxious, like the sky is falling. I can't just spend the whole semester hiding out at Ludo's because it's the only place I feel safe. I love him but I know I can be a bit much for people. I don't want to overdo it. It will be okay. I know this mantra in and out. It's the only light I have to follow so I have to believe it. It will be okay. I'll figure it out. Just try again tomorrow.