In an old house in Paris...

I've been very anxious lately, like to the point that I would do anything to make it go away. I've thought about medications but I fear that i'll get on something that doesn't work and I'll never be the same after that. I've done therapy but my insurance here doesn't allow me to anymore. I'm also in love and that seems to make it even more intense, the idea of upsetting someone else and the risk of losing someone. Then there's the whole 'I'm going to have to go back to the US' thing. Like even with my anxiety, this place is where I want to be and leaving my happy place makes me sad and I don't know what will happen with my relationship when distance becomes a factor. I've done it before twice actually and it scarred me so badly I hesitate to even think about the possibility of it happening again. And I'm planning this trips but the idea of possibly fucking something up makes me want to hide in a whole and never come out again....